Church hurt is real.

The above statement is an unfortunate truth, but know it is an experience from which you can be healed and overcome. Let me share with you my story. A few years ago, I was in a space where I had become, at best, stagnant with my relationship with God. Part of it was my desire for more from my church experience and the other part we’ll leave for another day. I was attending church semi-regularly and one day my then-girlfriend (now wife) invited me to her church where the Pastor and Assistant Pastor were her former Youth Pastors when she was growing up. I was not disappointed when the day came for me to visit and see what she had been talking about. For the first time in a long time I had begun to feel inspired to dig deeper and get back to work.

Um, this doesn’t sound painful. Actually, it sounds like you were moving in the right direction.

I’m getting there please hold on just a little bit longer.

Eventually, I joined the church and began to enjoy the process of growth and being challenged to live my life better everyday. One of the first things I learned about this church is that it operated under an itinerancy. Itinerancy basically meaning that the pastor of the church could be moved to another congregation at the denominational leadership’s discretion. I knew it was a possibly that this pastor that I began to develop a relationship and fondness for could be moved (usually during the yearly conference meetings) and prepared myself inasmuch as I could for that chance. I soon found how prepared I was… not very.

One Sunday, the pastor called a meeting for all of the church’s leadership for an announcement and I attended because my wife was serving in the church at the time. What I would then hear would break my heart. The next Sunday would be the last one at our church for him and his family. A whole range of emotions would flood my being as I began to process this information. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Confusion. I simply just did not understand. The main reason for all of these feelings was because it wasn’t time yet, it was March, so something felt off about the whole thing.

After hearing some people speak on the situation, I began to see and understand what really was going on behind the scenes. I don’t want to oversimplify, but it seemed to boil down to some of the traditionalists resistance to change and the fact that people worship a system rather than Who (intentionally capitalized) the system was designed to facilitate worship for. Was the outgoing pastor perfect? No. Could some things could have been handled differently? Of course. Still, none of those things seemed (and won’t ever be) justification enough for what was happening. The Sunday came, then went, and when the pastor and his family walked down the aisle for the final time my heart broke. I burst into tears as soon as church was dismissed and wept for a while afterward.

Oh.

Yeah. I began to distrust some of my fellow congregants and held a bitterness towards these people, the church, and the system itself. I’m certain that the enemy enjoyed my feelings at at time.

So what did you do next? You had to leave the church, right?

Actually, I stayed. There were many others who did leave. I prayed for release but received none. I became involved with the youth ministry (sometimes it’s okay to say “no” – another post for another day) and resolved to serve until God no longer gave me the grace to continue at that church.

As I began to serve, I saw that the people needed my prayers and whatever light I could bring and show in those times. Helping those young ones develop and learn about Christ became my priority and helped me work through many of my issues. It wasn’t easy serving in that regard but there were good times as well as times which served as growth opportunities.

Two and a half years later the day came where it was time to go and we moved on. I still bear a scar from my experience, but God did heal and make me whole. Wholeness and forgiveness to the point that I hold no ill will towards anyone that contributed to any hurt caused to anyone. I wish the best for everyone and above all that God’s will be done for that church and community. I had to chalk this painful situation up to the sovereignty of God, trusting that He knows and will do the best thing for those who love him according to his purposes (Romans 8:28 AMP).

What does that have to do with me?

First, while I cannot ease your pain nor erase your experience, I would like to express my sadness that your church experience (or church folks) has caused you such pain. Know that the church is full of imperfect people trying to serve a perfect God. This is not an excuse but a statement of what is. There are bound to be some missteps on this journey as we travel onward, but those of us who are serious about it endeavor to improve and reflect Jesus and his love for us. I really want to encourage you to focus on the God we serve as opposed to the people. Knowing and feeling the difference is key to moving forward in your journey.

Maybe someone hurt you that was being a poor representation of Christ which made you want nothing to do with Him. Perhaps someone verbally and emotionally beat you down for an issue with which you’ve been struggling. Or, it may be that you’ve faced judgement for something you’ve said or done, just know that the Father loves you intently and intensely desiring to be in relationship with you through His son, Jesus. I believe that there is a place for you among a (or the) fellowship of believers that will accept you, love you, and give you the grace to make mistakes as you grow in relationship with Him. I am not exempt as I have hurt and been hurt and I sincerely hope that I haven’t turned anyone off to the gospel due to my actions. I find myself thinking of this more as I try to be more intentional in my interactions with others.

There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that you’ve done (or will do) that you can’t find forgiveness for in Him. There also is no hurt you’ve experienced, inside or out of the church, you can’t be healed from and be made whole. If you’re seeking, keep seeking, I am confident you will find what you need. I will earnestly pray that God surround you with exactly what you need to begin and sustain a relationship with Him. If nothing else, you have a safe space here, you are loved, and you are accepted. Let’s turn our hurts into testimonies of how God has healed us and is moving us forward and deeper in Him and help others do the same.

I wanted to share with you my experience and let you know that you aren’t alone in your hurt. You can be healed and whole, if you really desire it. I pray it so for you in Jesus’ name. Subscribe, share, comment or a combination of all three, I’d love to hear from you. Until next time.